sauerkrautforever asked: hey johnny you should come visit me and travis and bring ellen and we can do fun things and hard drugs in canada! what do you say?
of course ellen’s lil cousin is impressed that i’m a moderator of a (something) fan board that’s peak popularity was in 2002-2004
eatdrugtakepizza: babysitting means listening to owl city and watching an 8 year old girl tagging pictures of people on facebook ur lil cousin added me on facebook tell her i’m making eggs now
sometimes i trick people by going behind a couch and saying i’m going to go down stairs but there are no stairs behind there! i just pretend! haha
you'll never hire me.
eeeeeeeeeek: i wake to my head between dorothy’s heels she clicks into my ears, slamming them really, as i look up her skirt ‘there’s nothing there’ my blood says and i feel confused because i see home.
remember when shaggy was like ‘it wasn’t me!’ but it really was him
kittenkissesxoxo asked: hey sorry i didn't know you were a baby so i'll stop sending you any messages if you're just going to be a baby about it
‘everyone open ur books to page 420………now close ur textbooks and throw them away!’ - me as a professor
eatdrugtakepizza: do we really have to watch man vs. food in high def i tried to hang out with my mom but she is DVRing and watching a new episode of jersey shore hours earlier i heard her say ‘hahahaha! they fell in the sewer..’
today i made a spaghetti lean cuisine my mom bought and then made spaghetti because the lean cuisine was only 190 calories and i thought i should probably eat a lil more and like why didn’t i just make spaghetti in the first place
hey ellen remember when ur dad made veggie soup and instead of a dash of hot sauce he added 1/3rd of a bottle of insanity sauce
feeling a little better after seeing the terrible tattoo my mom got my sister for my birthday
kittenkissesxoxo asked: which hard drug are you not doing!
i sound dumb as hell but i don’t care i’m sad
sorry was that loud sorry
welp no one wants to hang out with me and i...
is my cat humping me
third time this week one of my only irl friends tells me to ‘fuck myself’ and calls me names because i don’t want to get drunk with him and do hard drugs at 11 am so i guess i’m going to go try and volunteer at an animal shelter..
‘hey, did u know it’s johnny’s birthday today?’ - my mom to my dad on her cellular phone
i got 1 birthday wish from my family today and it was my mom saying ‘happy brthday ok’ via a text message as soon as she left the house